THE THIRD BLESSING WAS FOR THE FAMILY

On a Friday morning in February of 1974 my divorce became final. Late that afternoon I got a call from my brother saying my mother was nearing the end of her long struggle with cancer and that I should probably come home. I think I went into shock because I started scrubbing my apartment clean on my hands and knees all night long. Then I got into the car and drove home. The following Friday, she passed away. I remained at my family home to take care of Meg and get her through high school. My two brothers and other sister came and stayed as well. My parents had been in the middle of divorcing, and we all felt, strongly, that my father would not be able to take good care of Meg, and that she would be better off with us (that meant me). As the eldest, I had been bred for the role of her surrogate mother and caretaker from her birth because both she and my mother were so challenged with their health. I got custody of Meg. Our main goal was to get her through high school. Once she graduated, we drifted in and out of each other’s lives over the years. I was farthest out of the loop, having moved to Europe. When I returned I moved across the country to Portland, OR. On occasion, I got back for Christmas. More often, many months would pass without calling each other. Except for Meg. Everyone stayed in touch with Meg on a consistent basis.

When she was diagnosed with cancer, we all rallied together again to help her get through her most challenging ordeal. We went to see her regularly and ended up spending days together. In this way, we got to meet each other anew and see each other through our adult eyes. Because Meg’s situation had everyone in a compassionate state of mind, we were able to talk about things that had happened in the family when we were young, and we shared with each other the hurts and traumas of those days. Many long-held perceptions of each other’s shortcomings were dispelled and we began to know who we truly are and to appreciate each other. I have some awesome siblings!

The third blessing was seeing each other’s special qualities and experiencing the love and strength of our family bond, which had eluded us for so many years. I had long abandoned the hope that this would ever happen . . . yet here it was. In many families, such a situation drives them apart. We were, indeed, blessed.

“I do not at all understand the mystery of grace – only that it meets us where we are, but does not leave us where it found us.”

- Anne Lamott